In Which: A Short Pornographic Novel
(with an Unofficial "Afterword" by Steve McCaffery)
CHAPTER I � In Which Our Tale Begins, Its Heroine Enjoying a Meal
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CHAPTER II � In Which Our Heroine Finds Herself in Peril
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CHAPTER III � In Which Our Heroine Hides in the Stables for Fear
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CHAPTER IV � In Which Our Resourceful Heroine Befriends Peter, the Stable Boy
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CHAPTER V � In Which Peter Saves Our Heroine From Her Perilous Past
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CHAPTER VI � In Which Heroine Doth Proclaim Her Undying Love
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CHAPTER VII � In Which Our Heroine and Peter Live Happily Ever After
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AFTERWORD � by Steve McCaffery
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Atechnical Synthetic Futurist Theatre for 9 Voices, For Performance on MTV
(The Laguna Beach Remix)
INSTRUCTIONS FOR PERFORMANCE
The piece consists of nine sections, each notated on a separate
index card. An identical pile of the nine cards is presented to each
performer.
Performances are simultaneous. The order in which the
cards are performed is entirely at the discretion of each individual
(shuffle, if necessary, for variety).
All cards must be used at least once.
Avoid moments of uniform silence amongst the nine
performers.
Duration is indeterminate but should not exceed nine minutes.
For best results, select overly-effusive gay men; or, the most
sexually attractive female poets below the age of thirty in Canada;
or Coach House Books poets.
*
1 - WHAT-everrrrrrr WHAT-everrrrrrr WHAT-everrrrrrr
2 - that's super soooo super that's super soooo super
3 - uh-huh totally uh-huh totally uh-huh totally uh-huh totally
4 - ohmygod ohmygod ohmygod ohmygod ohmygod
5 - like do you like him or do you like like like him?
6 - fersure fersure fersure fersure fersure fersure fersure
7 - anywayz anywayz anywayz anywayz anywayz anywayz
8 - knowwhatImean? knowwhatImean? knowwhatImean?
9 - 'kay 'kay 'kay 'kay 'kay 'kay 'kay 'kay 'kay 'kay
Chuck Neiderman�s �To His Coy Mistress�
(The Necessary Roughness Remix)
Time timalaya timalina timarooskie
Coy coyalaya coyalina coyarooskie
Lady ladylaya ladylina ladyrooskie
Vegie vegilaya vegilina vegirooskie
Love lovalaya lovalina lovarooskie
Grow growalaya growalina growarooskie
Vast vastalaya vastalina vastarooskie
Slow slowalaya slowalina slowarooskie
Thy thyalaya thyalina thyarooskie
Heart heartalaya heartalina heartarooskie
Winged wingalaya wingalina wingarooskie
Hurry hurrylaya hurrylina hurryrooskie
Song songalaya songalina songarooskie
Dust dustalaya dustalina dustarooskie
Lust lustalaya lustalina lustarooskie
Grave gravalaya gravalina gravarooskie
Now nowalaya nowalina nowarooskie
Youth youthfulaya youthfulina youthfulrooskie
Roll rollalaya rollalina rollarooskie
Ball ballalaya ballalina ballarooskie
Life lifalaya lifalina lifarooskie
Sun sunalaya sunalina sunarooskie
Stand standalaya standalina standarooskie
Run runalaya runalina runarooskie
Mottetti
Hello.
Telos.
*
This is the saddest story.
We took the stairs to a happier one.
*
Once upon a time.
Once upon a time.
*
Mote.
Emote.
*
She invited me upstairs for coffee.
Res not verba.
*
Omit.
Obit.
*
It was a day like any other.
Other.
*
Misp
laced.
*
Challenged to spell
I lost the alphabet.
*
Little.
A little later.
*
I am
Things in things.
*
She loves me and he loves me.
A love me knot.
*
Language.
Gag.
Threeways
Anything Set Goes.
Blasting Enema Workshop.
Converted To Perverted.
Daddy�s Not Home.
Emasculation Festival Fist.
Feed Her Need.
Guzzling Income Potential.
Hot Wet Phonal.
I No Charge.
Jerk Drop Load.
Kneel Before Meal.
Lips Service Rendered.
My Clit Aches.
No Connection Fee.
Orient Down Between.
Paid Subscription Voicings.
Queen Rocks Off.
Rank Your Crank.
Support Our Sperm.
Ticking A Licking.
Unlimited Per Minute.
Voted Wetter Better.
Wrecked Racked Creamed.
Xerox Love Lubidity.
Young Horny Housewives.
Zero Tolerance Production.