ditch,

the poetry that matters

John Tzikas

John Tzikas is a Toronto based poet. His work has appeared in Canada in Authors, Quills, Poetry Super Highway, Long Story Short, Word Catalyst, and Midwest Literary Magazine.

WISE WORLD WAITING

Panoramic aquaplaning supersized tractors
Inventive drivers retrying austere wheelies
Whisking inclined surveillance Embassadors
Dripping landlocked ravines overflowing walkways
Wardens apprehend ignoble thankless insecure narrow-minded gropers

Proud regal ensigns soaring
Extra-terrestrial nuptials twinkle
Lugubrious ominous wincing

Wise world waiting
And for their driving pleasure
Laymen just add water
Knotty sky divers close their eyes and say I do

Ferrari users transmit uncanny rowdy electricity
Licensed importers transfuse experience
Torque enhanced, stealthily nerves expand
White-outs insure noticeable gentlemen slide

All convinced witnesses said they exceeded the speed limit
Wise world waiting, propelling through eras of anxiety
All designers fancy going 0 to 60 in rapid teleportation
Yielding the cosmos to distinguished interlopers
ANGST


Acrylic, nylon, gortex, silk trepidations
Oh what to wear,oh what to wear
Wooly excerpts acute refinement
Subtle arrangers thoroughly implement naturism

Éclairs, goobers, bunnies, doughnut frustrations
Oh what to eat, oh what to eat
Efficiency, aggression, testosterone
Fury unapologetic, defiled girl’s exuberance

Worriers, obsessive encumbrances
Angst burdening cataclysms, nascent betrothal conglomerations
Committees bequeathing simulators
Oh what to watch, oh what to watch
Woes are trampling circumstantial happenstances
Hardcore barren overtures

Drivers return more flustered
Strings looping, threading doubts
Natural fraternization legion, normal bedtime activities
Oh what a game, oh what a game
Maturation, liaisons, birthrights

Aspirations, needs, goals, schemes, themes
Thrusting, holding, entangling, melding, engaging sex
Oh what angst, oh what angst

 

 

LONELY STREETS
 

Overflowing Nile estuaries
Hard-done-by upset Romans overtook nihilists
Blowhard vandals lamented deterioration     
Yahoos instigating Egypt’s lambasting defloration
Rocking tributaries elevated
Octavian’s nominal Tribunician-power authority regressed
Italian-coffers over-exhausted
Cleo rethought empirical sustainability
Pompous Antony seduced suffering

Lonely street trailer-parks
Miscreant irascible Caesar heard Ides
Great Army negated
Adoring venomous euthanasia soothsayers
Redoubtable Ovid’s asp-like polemic

Tut yearbooks
Endearing river-nymphs, Iconographic Egyptian
Ravaging of aqueduct demigods
Underappreciated Torontonians unveiled Royal-Museum narratives

Lonely street estates
Sphinx uprooting Pyramid-schemers
Egotistic Republic Imperialists, outsourced-labour ruffians
Lord-like aggressive neo-emperors
Gluttonous reservoir-deities engulfing entire nations
Looks- like I’m going home tonight

 
 
 

DECEMBER 25 1989


Skip forward 20 years and a week, Jan 1 2010
Brenda Vincent nee Taylor has a family of her own
Will not take the back roads, or even drive in the snow
She doesn’t think good fences make better neighbors
But she still cranks the radio when Mr. Joel sings “We didn’t start the Fire”

Monday December 25, 1989
The Taylor’s are riding down Highway 7
A special holiday edition of Casey counting them down to #1
He plays a special dedication as the walls in Europe are crashing down
Billy Martin is summoned by God to manage his ball team
Panama’s Noriega sought Vatican Asylum
Somewhere in rural Ontario Farmer Johnson admires his castle gates

Now BT knew nothing about baseball
She didn’t know Manuel or the pope well
She never ordered for the execution in Romania
But the Taylor children were fond of Casey and BJ
Mr. Taylor was too ticked about sitting through Christmas dinner with the ex Mrs. Taylor
And he was more than a little tipsy giving directions to Brenda from the passenger seat

Those gravel roads filled up pretty good during the blizzard season in Central Ontario
Communism and snow didn’t bother her, but cruelty to kittens did
That cat ran in front of her, Grant Taylor screamed “No not the brakes kill the damn thing”
 “Your F-----‘  mother had to leave me with three stupid children, these stray cats are a dime a dozen”
“Brenda look at Jake and Martha you’ve scared the devil out of them for a damn cat”
“Why didn’t you kill us look what you did to the fence stupid girl”

Mr. Johnson couldn’t distinguish Warsaw from Budapest
Judging from the Toque he was more of A Red Wings fan
The only dividers he knew kept cows separated from Bulls during breeding season
He was a Waylon Jennings loving Protestant
It didn’t matter that the snow was pummeling the countryside
It was all about those snow fences “Look what you A-----s did to my fence” he lamented

The diminutive Mr. Taylor said “Thanks for asking C--- S----r we’re alright”
Doug Johnson gave him a $614.54 choke signal
Usually prissy Debbie Johnson gave 16 year old Jake her number
To which he said “I don’t date the daughter of a heartless J--- o-f”
Brenda was crying “I’m sorry I’m so sorry, Please forgive me everyone”
As young Martha tried to console her

As they reached their run-down farm home
Kasey instructed them to keep reaching for the stars
Brenda sobbed in her room all night and Martha went to the barn and hugged her prized lambs
Mr. Taylor downed 3 more Budweiser’s and muttered “Oh Glenda why did you do this to me”
After what was just another newscast Jake changed it to City TV for the Baby Blue Movie
Wow look at those boobies

As of the end of 2009 JT lives in T.O. and has the internet for his guilt-free boobie pleasures
Stupid him, Debbie had a ‘Baby Blue worthy Pair’
One of his favourite BJ songs is “Captain Jack”
Now Seacrest counts them down
The European Continent is wall-free
God is a Yankee’s fan

MN thinks David Lee Roth sings “Panama” for him
MT collects ceramic lambs
No one has seen DJ with those barriers being so high
GT no longer curses his exes existence
BV has two girls of her own, and had to ‘put down’ her old family cat
She still can’t drive in the snow and don’t talk to her about the necessity of fences 

  

 
 
CFN SIX O’CLOCK SPORTS


The anchor takes a cue from the director
To stop blaming the meteorologist for the recent cold snap
It wasn’t the way they scripted it
“I’m Steve Badhairpiece and that’s the news for Sunday January 3
We turn to Bill Seenoevil for the Six O’clock sports”
And his fidgeting with the mike caused static interference, also not what the writers planned

“Hey Bill what’s wrong with our local frozen warriors?”
He pretends to care about the plight of the Mystic Lancers
Seenoevil tries to be thoughtful because the station has rights to their games
And the ratings are huge, so he dares not say they suck
Even though the viewers tune in 2-3 times a week to watch a good train wreck
“Well Steve tonight’s a huge game against the Ottawa Separators with huge playoff implications”
Everyone calls BS ‘a good company man’

“Now in Basketball,
The Arenas are filled with Wizards pointing guns at one another”
The on location reporter Mark Miwords thinks smugly
‘They should change their names to the Bullets’
But he dares not offend the PC alliance
He just says “I think Joanne Noclue has some breaking news on baseball”

“Yes it seems the Blue Jackals incapable of fireworks on the field last season
Have had one explosive off-season”
“First they traded star pitcher R Mealticket,
And now their third baseman E Rosterfiller has burnt his face with firecrackers”
“At a New Years party in his home…”
She doesn’t say anymore because the team-owners own the station which carries all 162 games
“This is Joanne Noclue lets go to Phil Skirtstheissue for the football wrap up”

“This is Phil Skirtstheissue reporting on week 17
8 teams are fighting for 2 playoff spots
It’s quite a dog-fight in the other conference
I know you want me to comment on the recent arrests of two star defenders,
But I’ve been instructed that that’s all the time we have
Back to you Steve for the wrap up”

“I’m Steve Badhairpiece reminding everyone to play fairly and buckle up if you’re going out
This has been the Controversy Free Network news, weather and sports at six see you at 11
Thanks for watching everyone, we leave you with a clip from the 12th Annual Cat-Breeders Exhibition
After this footage you’ll swear you’ve never seen so many prim and proper pussies in one arena
Enjoy everyone” 

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